


Desperate

by BloodyBlasphemy



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Age Difference, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Biting, Blow Jobs, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Depression, Edgeplay, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Extremely Dubious Consent, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gen, Happy Ending, Kidnapping, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Teasing, Trans Male Character, Trans Miles Morales, Transphobia, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Yandere, Yandere Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:34:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28664028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyBlasphemy/pseuds/BloodyBlasphemy
Summary: It's been 2 years since the Collider incident. Life for miles hasn't been that great after being without his fellow spider friends. Especially without Peter. At first, it was just a small crush on the older man. But after a month of him being gone. It was definitely more than that. He needed Peter back.After going home. Peter tried fixing things with Mary. But the person he always loved. Just didn't satisfy him anymore. Making him realize he probably never loved him. But he can't stop thinking about Miles. He tries to get his life together. But he couldn't. He had to get to Miles.
Relationships: Miles Morales/Peter B. Parker
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Miles is 16 and Peter is 28.  
> BPD definition- Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a condition characterized by difficulties regulating emotion. This means that people who experience BPD feel emotions intensely and for extended periods of time, and it is harder for them to return to a stable baseline after an emotionally triggering event.  
> (This story will depict very ugly sides of mental health especially BPD. So reminding not everyone is like this. Is isn't common. This is fiction. I also have BPD. 
> 
> Tony is alive in my fic but he probably won't be brought back up.

**Miles POV:**

  
  


_Another day sadly no dollar._ Miles thought to himself while climbing into his dorm window. Ganke's snores are the only that welcome him. No point sneaking in since they already know his secret. Well one of them. 

Flopping on his bed. The pain from today was starting to rise. He had to stop 3 robberies. 3??? Like today was crime Tuesday? They never give him a break. It sucks being alone. With literally no one to help. Unlike other universes with heros. He did not have many. He also didn't really have to fight the same level of crime. The biggest fight he ever had was with King Pin and Doc. They're never coming back. 

Not saying that's a bad thing. Just sucked between feeling useless and but needed at the same time. Probably how his dad feels sometimes. Speaking of his dad… _SHIT I FORGOT TO CALL HIM._

Miles leaving his existential crisis. Quickly gets up and catches his phone. 10 miss calls. His dad is probably pissed. There's only voice mail and he decides to listen. Only to be surprised to hear his mom instead. 

"Miles, look we're just worried about you amo. Lately, you have been distant. Not coming over for weekends. Missing calls. We know you're a young man now. But you're still our baby. Please talk to us." _That made me feel like trash. Thanks, mom._ It's not like he's trying to be distant. It's just that all of this pressure and having no one who understands to talk to is really weighing me. He turns his phone off after checking the time. It's like 2 am. He has school in 5 hours. Great. At least he does his homework before patrols. Like Peter advised. _Peter…_

He's been trying not to really think about Peter. It hurts how he'll never see him again. The weight made him laugh. How encouraging he was of him. It brings a smile to the young spider remembering his friend. 

After stripping off his clothes. Miles decides to take a quick shower. He stank and hated morning showers. Grabbing a towel. He shut the bathroom door quietly. It's amazing how the dorms have personal bathrooms. Bougie as hell. But hey it's great. They are decent too. A nice walk-in shower. 

He gets in. Turning the water on nice and hot. Relaxing the tension in his sore muscles. He looks down, rubbing his chest scars. It's been 6 months since his top surgery. Which really helped with being a superhero. Because let me tell you. Fighting crime in a binder was a bad time. His chest got so sweaty and gross. Luckily he was pretty flat-chested anyway. The nipple chafing was murder. Looking down even further. He checks his bottom growth. His clit has gotten pretty big after these past 6 years since starting testosterone. He doesn't want bottom surgery so that makes him happy. He really loves how far he's gotten. Also having boyish features. He was able to start passing pretty fast. The spider gang had no suspicion. Which makes him always wonder how they would react. 

_How would Peter react..would he care? Is he gay? Would he even mess with a trans person??_ Thoughts like this make Miles feel disgusted for being himself. Scared of a rejection that will never come. He doesn't even know what he fully feels for him. Is it just romanticizing a memory? A small crush. But in general, being trans has affected his dating life. Not knowing who would accept him. He finally figured that he's gay. After meeting Peter of course. Makes him wonder if he's gay or Petersexual. 

Stepping out of the shower because now the steam is making him nauseous. Probably from thinking too much. Feeling too much. _I need to sleep._

Drying himself off. Going over to his dresser, picking out yellow boxers with tacos on it. His mom bought them for Christmas. Putting them on fast. Ducks under the top bunk and slides into bed. 

_I think it's time to move on. I have a life ahead of me. I can't… I don't kno-_ *tap tap* Miles' head springs up so fast it hits the top bunk. Looking at where the noise came from. It's the window but there's nothing there. He gets up and looks outside. Then a face comes from the slide of the building. Miles jumps back almost scared until I recognize who it was. 

"Peter?"

_… … …_

**Peter's POV**

  
  


**_*flashback 2 years ago*_ **

Peter falls out of the sky. Which probably he should get used to. Almost lands on his face before reaching out his hand to project a web. It latches onto a building. Slinging up unto a rooftop. His balance is way off and he tumbles. He takes a second to breathe and everything in. Looking up at the sky from which he fell. The ripple of colors and shapes stop and disappear. 

Not being worried about causing a scene. His universe never had a calm moment. So the New Yorkers down below him were probably not bothered by the events that had just taken place. Checking his surroundings and noticing no one was around. He takes his mask off and takes a deep breath. "I'm home.. ".

For some reason, Peter didn't feel right. Or as excited as he should be. Did he felt empty? That's probably because he needs to see MJ. _MJ MJ MJ MJ MJ MJ MJ._ Yes exactly MJ. The love of his life. The future wife and mother of his kids. His favorite person. _Ew no, remember MJ hates that stupid. Stop with the creepy bullshit._

Besides being a failure of a boyfriend and hero. The main reason MJ left was because of Peter's mental health. It wasn't always bad. They started off great. High school sweets. Yea Peter was possessive sometimes and always asked who she was with. But that was just his anxiety. He just loved her so much. But 3 years ago. MJ finally got Peter to see a therapist. Being told I had something called Borderline Personality disorder (BPD). Was just scary to me. But it made sense. 

Peter is always scared people will leave him. Especially her. He had times where he's usually very positive or super negative. He never self-harmed but he would let bad guys take more hits in when he's not feeling hot. He craved her validation. He needed her. He was so scared to tell her the truth. That she'll leave once she sees how fucked he was. So he lied and said it was depression, of course, she found out. Reporters. It almost ended things. But the final straw was commitment and children. I didn't want to give her kids. Those are messed up like him. He kept giving her a way out. She took it. But no. Not this time. 

He gets up and starts swinging to my apartment. So lucky it's dark out. It. Takes a couple of minutes before reaching my window. He can't walk through the door in my outfit. After getting in I notice how dirty everything is. The pizza looks like it might mold. He decides to clean up first. Feeling manic has gotten Peter motivated. 

After cleaning up which takes about 30 minutes. He thinks to himself. _Miles is going to be proud of him._ Which instantly confused him. _Miles? Proud? Why would I care if a kid is proud I cleaned my house._ Like Peter does miss the kid. He knows Miles is rooting for him. I hope he beats his world's KingPin. Which makes me wonder what he's doing right now. _Nope, not the time. I smell terrible._ Doing the old Peter 4 minute routine. Putting on the best and cleanest stuff he had at the moment. 

He runs out of the house. MJ doesn't live far. He made sure to find something close enough. He called it "saving distance". After reaching her front steps. He rings the doorbells. Suddenly all he could feel for pure anxiety. _Fuck fuck fuck. What am I going to say? Hey love, I went to a different dimension and got my shit together. Let's make babies.??? No wrong fuck I don't know… urgh._ His thoughts are cut short by MJ opening the door. 

She looked surprised. "Peter?" She was wearing jeans and a red blouse. It went nicely with her hair. He kept staring at her. Not saying anything. _Something… something doesn't feel right._ When Peter looked at MJ. He felt like he was looking at a goddess. Like she was everything he could have asked for. Now MJ looks well. He couldn't describe it. Ordinary? "Um hey MJ sorry for popping in. He was just urgh in the neighborhood and wondered if we could talk". _That's not how I was supposed to say it at all but okay._

She looks confused but quietly lets him in. They walk into the living room. And sit on the couch. Seconds feeling like minutes. Buzzing noise in the background. Peter fake coughs. " MJ. I'm going, to be honest. I don't know why I'm here. I thought I did."

"Did something happen to you, Peter?" She reaches out and touches my thighs. It feels wrong but he doesn't tell her to remove it. 

"I went on a little vacation" _lying again is a great start._ "I think it made me realize something. Also, I didn't notice until I got back. Until I saw you again"

"Peter if this is about us. I'm ready. I have been trying to play it strong. But this divorce has hurt me too. I didn't want to leave. I just didn't know how to help you. You wouldn't talk to me. I want us to make it work" This clearly wasn't what Peter had expected to hear. _I shouldn't be here._ He felt like he had to run. He didn't want to be here. 

"Mary" I look her in the eyes "I can't. I thought that's why I was here. To fix things. But I… I don't know if I love you anymore." Peter's eyes go wide. _Oh shit, I just said that. I said and meant. I don't love her. But I feel love. I love someone? Fuck I'm confused. She's still touching me._ "So you just came here to say. That you don't love me anymore." She stands up and smacks him. "You've been the one chasing me. Wanting me. Now you just don't love me anymore? Why come here for just that. I was fine Peter. I don't know what spiritual journey you went on. But stop. Just stop. I'm tired. For years I have tried. I have loved you… there's someone else, isn't it? You know what. I don't care. Get out. Never come. Thanks for the closure. Thanks for breaking my heart again."

Peter stands up. Holding his cheek. It stings. Listening to what she said. He's only focused on how it could be someone else. No one had ever taken his attention fully away from MJ before. There have been times where he had small flings while they had their breaks. But this was different. For some reason. Looking at MJ crying did nothing for him. Not like it should. _Miles Miles Miles Miles. Fuck._ "Fuck". He runs out of the house. Not even saying bye. 

_Miles oh god. No, he can't be. My favorite person can't be a kid. Yea I really enjoy his company and never felt so comfortable around someone else. But I just thought he was just cool... Funny… pretty cute. God, I want to kill myself. Of course, it's Miles. I have been ignoring it. Being cut off from MJ for months and meeting Miles for just bad timing. The way we bonded over a short period of time. Did he fill my emptiness? I wasn't even thinking about MJ until I vented a little to Miles about it. And it's like I was projecting my new feelings for him unto her. Mental health is confusing._ Peter stops running. _Where am I going? To Miles? He's not here._ That hits Peter harder than it should have. 

Miles isn't here. He can't get back to him. He's gone. You're alone. _I'm alone. I'm alone._ Peter starts hyperventilating. He conveniently ran back home. Slamming the door as he entered. He started to curl in on himself and wail. This was rare for Peter. Only happening after the deaths of Ben and May. Then when he was going through the divorce. It's extreme mental pain. _How am I going to get back to him? Him?? He's a fucking child? 14 and you're 26 you pedophile fuck. Kill yourself. Who cares I saved so many people I can't have one thing. One person to love me. Who said he even loved you. Who said he wanted you to come back. He doesn't need you. You need him. You need help._ Sitting up tears and snot all over his face. He walks to the bathroom. With one thing in mind. He has to do this. He can't live like this. Miles wouldn't know.

Grabbing the razor he used a lot to cut himself when MJ left. He hated the scars on his arms but he didn't have many people near him to see them. But he's not cutting for showing anymore. He's finally going to do it. He can't let this obsession grow and control him. _It's been a day without him. And you didn't even know you wanted him. Now you're lovesick. You're insane. You're better off dead._

He sits in the tub. Holding the razor. In his hand. He slashes at both of his wrists. It's extremely painful. Watching the blood pool out of him. _It's better this way than living alone._ Peter starts to feel heavy. He closes his eyes and waits for death. 

"PETEY PIE I KNOW YOU'RE HOME I SAW FALL EARLIER. I BROUGHT PIZZZZZA" _FUCK NOT WADE NOT NOW. I'M BUSY DYING._

Peter is sluggish but tries to get up and lock the door. Wade hears this. "Spidey I hear you come on stop being weird. I don't care if you're naked. I promise to not grab your ass this time". He opens the doors and finds a bloody mess. Literally. Looking down at a passed Peter who didn't make it to the door before falling out. Dropping the pizza. Deadpool went into a serious mood. He opened the cabinet. Getting out the first aid kit. Putting pressure on the wounds and wrapping them up. He just needs to keep Pete alive until his healing kicks in. 

"White, yellow the fuck shut up. I'm fixing it damn it" Slapping Peter's face. "Wake up eyes open nooooow. No sleeping. Sleep means death". Checking his pulse it's not terribly weak. But could be better. He's warmish.

Peter blinks a little. The lights hurt his eyes. They're still in the bathroom. Taking in the sight of all his blood. Made him sick and scared of what he just tried to do. Wade is holding him up. "Thirsty" Was all he could say at the moment. Wade quickly laid him back down. Going into the kitchen to fill a glass of water. 

That gave Peter time to reflect. He just had a massive breakdown and tried to end his life. Because MJ stopped being his favorite person and now he developed feelings for an underage boy. It's probably just a crush but he feels things so strongly. That this crush is like pure hope to him. It scared him. That he can't be around his new hope. If he stayed in the other world. He would have died. Purely hopeless. 

Wade came back to him. Quiet not trying to mention the obvious. Passed him. The water that instant was chugged. The healing already kicked him. He just needs to eat something. Luckily there's pizza. Slides himself on the floor. To grab the box dropped. 

"Hey, Pete" Peters looks up. Wade slid his mask off. Tears running his face. _Sheesh, I'm making everyone cry today._

"Wade I know this looks bad. But I really don't want to talk about it. Can we pretend you didn't just save my life? That'll be great. I'm hungry and have a problem. I need help with that problem and it's connected to what happened. I know I'm being vague. Stay with me. I need to be able to change dimensions and stay there if I please safely. I know crazy. Don't think about that. If you know where we could start and keep it low key. Which you're great at. That would be amazing. '' Wade stared. I never made Wade so speechless. I guess I never showed him how unhinged I can be. I'm usually great at self-control. Hiding my inner self from people. But I'm desperate right now. 

"I- " 

"Wade yes or no." I know it's unfair of me. But I can't be alone and I need help. Fuck MJ I guess. Whoa. Suicide really makes you think differently. "Okay, Peter can you just not do that again. I'll help any way I can"

"Yea I promise" _Lies I'll do it if I fail I'm doing it again._ "Just promise not to ask why we're doing this. And why did I do that."Anything Peter.". 

**_Present:_ **

  
  


_Fucking finally we did it._ Two years after getting Wade to help me. We finally figured a way to safely cross dimensions. Actually, we did that 6 months ago. Now they figured how to safely stay in one for a long or a permanent amount of time. They had to "steal" A lot from Tony's research. Well more so asked Tony and lied what he was getting. Taking a lot from their time travel data when the wars were going on. Plus asking Bruce for advice and pretending it was just hypothetical. Bruce loves to just talk either way. 

They managed to make 2 bracelets. Both of them are set up with only two dimensions being available. Wade not being told what the other one was. Using Adamantium to make sure it was unbreakable. Pool thought steel was fine but Peter wasn't taking any precautions.

These past 2 years Peter and Wade drifted more apart in their friendship. Wade was trying to be supportive. But after what happened. Peter wasn't really the same. When an experiment failed. Peter would just cry. He promised to not ask. But he dreaded the day that they'll actually get this thing made. Like Peter wasn't planning on coming back. But it changed once he saw how happy he was that it did work. Life came back into his eyes. 

_Now what._ Peter stares blankly at the two gadgets in his hands. _Do I run to Miles? Saying I love him. No. Of course not. I just need to be near him_

 _Or maybe say hi. Jesus, I feel like a high school girl. I'm so excited. It's not like he likes me. I can help with crime and girls._ Peter frowns at that part. _No, it's okay. Boundaries. Remember we practiced this. We're going to be okay._

  
Peter turns away and hugs Wade. "Wade, thank you. You didn't have to do any of this shit for me. Especially not knowing why. But thank you. You're the best friend a person like me doesn't deserve sometimes. I will explain it someday. Just trust me. I needed this." Before Deadpool could finish. Pete turns his bracelet on. Opening up a portal on the floor. _I can do this._ Then he just jumps in.


	2. Chapter 2

**Miles's POV**

_ Peter??? How… How did he get back here? Why is he back? Is he okay?  _ So many questions started running through Miles's head. His hands became sweaty and nervous. Especially after he noticed he's only wearing a T-shirt. He's thankful that he was allowed to have the keyhole operation. So there are only two dots on each other of his chest. But noticeable if you look hard enough. 

He quickly walks back to the window and opens it for Peter. He quietly slides inside. Almost stumbling in with his 6'4 frame. Which makes Miles feel so small. Yea he grew a little more over these past 2 years. He's 5'7 now. Probably no more growth spurts for him. Looking up at Peter all he could say was. "Um hey" 

"Hey" Peter responds back. Rubbing the back of his head. He's wearing a grey hoodie and black pants. Still looking like the same scrub from back then. Which makes Miles smile a bit. "Look I know you have a lot of questions. That I will answer. I just got back and I just had to see if you're okay. And before you ask. Yes, I'm fine. My world is safe. Close enough to be safe without me 24/7." I see here's wearing some type of tech on his wrist. 

He pulls out another one and passes it to me. "I figured out how to travel between our worlds. The Collider forced us here the last time. Which is why we were so unstable. But with these. We can go back and forth. No more glitching. No, you don't have to wear it all the time. I just lose things easily" It's like Peter was reading his mind right now. Not giving Miles a chance to respond back. The street light is reflecting off his face. Peter's eyes look sunken in. Like sleep is definitely nonexistent. He has a light stubble on his face. Probably hasn't shaved in a while. His eyes had a chaotic look to them. Those eyes were staring directly back at him. Searching my face for any emotion. He feels on edge but high at the same time. Still processing that Peter is back. 

"I missed you" And just hugged him. Miles only replied back to the ramblings of the older spider. Peter doesn't say anything back. Just relaxes in his arms and hugs him in the back. The hug was warm and tight. Like he was scared to let Miles go. He feels him rub his face into Miles's hair. It reminds Miles of how long lost lovers hug in the movies. So imimate and off. Off because what's wrong with Peter. 

Miles pulls back a bit. Gaining a whine from Peter. Who was really into the hug? "Peter you seem different..." "It's been two years Miles. Who doesn't change a little" sweat starts to form on Peter's forehead. They fully release from the hug. "But I have to go. Don't you have school? I always had bad timing. These bracelets can connect to your phone. So we can text whenever and wherever." "Wait where are you going." Miles looks up confused and worried. Is Peter going to be really homeless or what? 

"I'm hopping back into my world. This was mostly an alpha test run. Now I have to stabilize and form a permanent connection. That'll take a few days. I'll be back this weekend. We can talk, train… need to hit that burger joint again." Miles starts to laugh. He quickly covers his face so he's not loud. "Okay great that sounds awesome, I'm down" Giving Peter another quick hug. "Now sho before you wake Ganke up". That surprisingly makes Peter frown. He looks up at Miles's roommate. Grunts a little. Whispers an okay. And shuffles out the window. Giving Miles a longing look. And waves goodbye. 

Miles shuts the window. Putting his new gadget in his dresser.  _ What was that about?  _ He never had Peter look at him like that. He never had anyone look at him like that. It was like he wanted to stay longer or something.  _ Why did he frown at Ganke?  _ So many questions. But Miles only has 3 hours to sleep now. So those are questions he'll ask himself tomorrow. 

  
  


**Peter's POV**

_ MILES MILES MILES MILES MILES MILES MILES.  _ Peter felt he was on drugs. The best drugs. He wouldn't know since the only thing he's ever done was drink. Smoked once and felt bad afterward. But this feeling. It was better than anything he felt with MJ. Peter never felt this much joy. 

He swung away to a building nearby. To safety portal away with no one around. Once he got back into his apartment. He got to work like he told Miles.  _ He's gotten a little taller. Like 2 inches? That's surprising for a growing guy. But I find the height difference cute."  _ Peter over these last year's accepted that he felt for Miles deeply. He hoped this trip would satisfy him. Burst his bubble. But no. It made it worse. Like shit, Miles looks even better now. Him being shirtless made him spring to life in many ways than one. When Miles hugged him. He prayed to gods he didn't believe in so that Miles didn't notice his hard-on. He could tell Miles just got out of the shower. He smelled so good. Like cocoa butter and honey. 

"Urgh" He can't work like this. Thinking about Miles's body. It's probably in the checklist that every spider person has to have a nice ass. Made Peter hungry for more than tacos. 

He sits down on his couch. He couldn't help release his needy 8" inch member from his sweats. The air hitting it causes Peter to moan lightly.  _ I wonder what Miles would look like sucking him right.  _ He squeezed his cock. Little droplets of precum escape from the tip. He imagines Miles licking it up. Kissing his tip. Telling him how much he loves Peter and his dick. 

It doesn't take long for Peter to burst a nut all over his hands. Exactly when Wade shows up unannounced like always. 

"Hey cutie pie I got your text. So it worked? Amazing. Can I come next time? Oh, shit your dicks out." Peter doesn't even lookup. Just continues to clean himself up. Tucking his dick back into his pants. "Yeah sorry. Needed to blow up some steam. No, you can't come but you can pick some other world to bother. But this one is off-limits." It's not like Peter doesn't trust Wade. He's more so ashamed. How would he even react to his fixation on this underage boy? Wade isn't the one to play moral ground. But fucking kids probably isn't something on his list. 

"Did you bring the code I needed? " It's the last piece of the puzzle. The code he'll program into his watch. Will transfer into Miles. Making the connection permanent. The watches also have a one-person limit to each one. It's so that we won't glitch outside our worlds. But he guesses it'll help with theft protection. "I obviously wouldn't be here duh. Seriously Pete what do you take me for." Peter isn't even going to give that a response. 

It doesn't take long to get everything programmed. Only a couple of hours. He lied to Miles saying he needed a few days. In reality, he needs to get things situated. He traveled back to the other world Wednesday night. He needed to talk to Aunt May. Another plus about this world. He feels wrong about basically using other Peter's Aunt May as his replacement one. But he hopes that May will also use him for the same reason. On the subway train ride there. Hey, swinging takes energy. He gets a note on his phone. 

M- "Hey I finally figured out how this thing works and got it all connected. Sorry, it took a while. I won't lie. I'm still taking everything in." 

That makes Peter's heart race.  _ Was he freaked out yesterday? Shit, he probably felt me. Oh god, this is weird. I only helped the kid once. Show up 2 years later with no explanation. Fuck what am I going to tell him?  _

M- "It was a lot. Just I didn't think I'll ever see you again. I'm so happy you're back and I have so much to talk about with you. But I rather talk about big things in person. I know this corny but what are you doing lol"

That instantly calmed Peter. 

P- "Asking wyd isn't corny. I'm just taking a sub home. Starving. Craving Chinese food. How about you? "

M-"I patrolled a little tonight but decided to stop a little early. I have a test tomorrow and wanted to study a bit before."  _ He definitely reminds me a lot of when I was younger. Ha studying. Look where it got me _ . 

P- "I don't miss those days. How's school been? "

M- "It's been fine. My social life sucks but that's probably just the life of a Spider-man. Been too busy or tired to hangout. Sometimes just not interested. " That makes Peter feel happy that he's probably not flirting with people and will have a lot of free time to hang out with Peter. But also sad because Miles sounds like he wants that connection. Being a hero means you grow up faster than your peers mentally. It takes a while to get the hang of it. Peter decides to go with his wants though on this. 

P-"I guess I showed up at the right time lol if you're interested ". Peter knows what he's doing. He's making it so Miles wants him in his life. Not Peter pushing him. It's why Peter gave him his number but didn't ask Miles his. He doesn't want to push Miles into hanging with me. Peter doesn't know what he wants exactly from Miles yet. But right now. He's desperate for his time. The time they lost. 

M- "Yes of course. We can hang out anytime. What would you like to do? "  _ Oh shit, we're getting to know each other. Actually relaxing and talking _ . Before having to deal with the fate of the world. They didn't have time for much chit chat. Now they can just… enjoy each other's company. Before Peter could answer back. His stop was coming up. 

He got up and walked out of the train station. People bumping into him sometimes. It takes about another 20 minutes to walk to Aunt May's house.  _ What do I say? I need to come up with a good legit story. So I came back to see if he survived KingPin. Check. Now I need an excuse to stay and visit. I decided to come and help him. Being one of few hero's is rough. Even though there are also fewer villains. Like that's how blonde Spider-man had the time to be building all those suits and gadgets. Boredom.  _

Stopping at the steps. The house looks good as new from the last time he saw it. He knocks at the door. Aunt May answers looking not surprised at all to see me. Which confused Peter. "Oh hi, sweetie. I've been wondering when you'll take the time to visit me. Miles told me you came by the other day and you couldn't even stop by here. " 

"You talk to Miles?" "Yes of course he comes by often. To use the spider lair. I was planning on giving him. The key once he's 18. But since you'll be here too. You both can share it." She passes me the key. Peter is kind of worried about Miles talking to May. What if he says something to her. That Miles thinks is okay but Aunt would know what's happening.  _ Peter what the fuck. You sound like a child molester.  _ I don't say anything. Words caught in my throat from so much anxiety rolling off me. I hug her. Quietly thanking you. She hugs back, rubbing my back. Which helps me calm down. 

  
"Oh, Peter you don't have to thank me. What would a little old lady like me do with all that junk anyway? Plus it has a room. In there if you need somewhere to stay while you're here. I promise not to go in there and clean. My Peter would always fuss at me when I do that. Are all Peter's messy? " She starts giggling to herself.  _ Never mind. No regrets. I needed this in my life. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might be edited


	3. Chapter 3

**Miles's POV**

Today is finally Friday. Miles is so ecstatic to get to see Peter again. They planned to meet up after school. He's currently sitting in his last. Instead of focusing on the lesson at hand. He couldn't help but doodle in his sketchbook. After seeing Peter that night. That's all he could think about. He kept drawing the older man. Trying to capture those emotions he saw that night. How much he has changed. 

It's not his first time drawing Peter. Around the 3 month mark. He just randomly started drawing him. Like he's his muse. 

Getting lost in the details of his face. Wanting everything to be perfect. He finds Peter so attractive. The dark circles in his eyes. His sexy 5'oclocks shadow with that crooked nose. That lean but stocky frame. Peter showed him younger photos of himself. He was very hmmm twinkish. Which Miles thought was adorable. But definitely prefers Daddy Peter as he calls it.

_ I can't stop thinking about how strange Peter was acting the other night. He seemed so jittery. The timing was weird as well. Like couldn't Peter have waited until the morning? He hasn't given me any answers since I have been texting him. What happened to him and M-  _ Miles's thoughts are cut off by the bell ringing for the last time today. 

Gathering up his things. And jetting out the door. Ignoring the complaints from fellow classmates for rushing past them. Deciding their inconvenience isn't as important as seeing Peter. 

Miles burst opens the door. Scaring Ganke who was in the middle of black ops PvP. That ended up with his roommate getting sniped. Sighing and setting the controller down. Waiting for the respawn to cool down. He starts laughing asking Miles "What's gotten into you today, any exciting plans?" 

"Yea I'm just going to hang out with a friend of mine. Haven't seen him in a while. Remember that Peter guy I would bring up sometimes" Miles replied while changing his outfit to something looser and casual. Deciding not to wear his suit underneath. He just wants to enjoy his night. The city won't need him tonight. "I never get that excited for a hangout. "Ganke had one of his right eyebrow raised. With a curious but amused look upon his face. 

"Is it a date, it's definitely a date I can see it all over your face man". With a dip shit like smirk. " Dude no it's definitely not like that. It's with a guy" Miles said defensively, blushing super hard. Yea he saw it as a date but he knew it wasn't ever going to be like with Peter. Plus he hasn't told Ganke he's gay. Not that he assumes that the other boy was homophobic. He just didn't want to make a big deal with it. Coming out to people is just a ton of pressure. Anxiety is a bitch. So picture trying to tell people you're trans.

"Sooo, my brother is gay. Cindy the chick in my math class is a lesbian. Who isn't a little gay ya know." Getting up to slap my back chuckling. "Get em spider. Like instead of saying tiger. You get it. Shit, I crack myself. " Miles rolls his eyes. "Hahaha you're so funny. Now head to my date. You're going to make me late". Air quoting when he says date. Then leaving the room as fast as he came. Leaving Ganke to be bitched out by his teammates for being afk. 

The young Spider-man made it just in time to catch the bus. 

M- I'm otw now. Are you there already? 

P-Yea just here. It's pretty dead which is nice. How long are you going to be?

M- Probably 10 minutes min. Order for us so it'll be ready once I get there. I'm starving bro. I just want a cheeseburger and some fries. With a sprint

P- Gotchu. See you when you get here. 

Miles didn't respond back. Not seeing a need too.  _ I was excited all day. Now I'm so nervous. I feel my hands getting sweaty. _ " Noticing his stop is coming up. Pulling the rope, notifying the driver to stop. He quickly hops off the bus. Walking to the next street over to the restaurant. He stood outside of it for a mom in. Giving himself a breather before going inside to see the man. Looking around for Peter. He noticed how gross the inside of the place was. It smelled like burnt grease and the walls looked… sticky? Shaking his head to just ignore it. Food poisoning won't kill him. 

Suddenly his spider senses go off. He sees Peter sitting in a booth looking out the window. He hasn't noticed Miles walk in yet. Nor has he touched his food. He looked lost in thought. 

Miles was taking in all his features now that he can see him clearly.  _ Did Peter get more attractive or did my memory not do him justice _ . Caught up staring shamelessly. He didn't see Peter now looking back at him. "You're going to come over or what? The food is getting cold. " Which was like cold water to the face. Miles perked up, face red like earlier today. He walked over and sat not with an oof. Trying to play off the weird moment they just shared. 

"Um hey ah what did you get." Peter going along with it. "Two double cheeseburgers with all the tops on both, small fries with a water bottle." "Oh okay cool". Which was followed by an awkward silence. Neither male made an attempt to start a conversation. This weirdness was interrupted by a waiter. " Hello I hope your meal is going great. Is there anything I can get you?" From what Miles at can the waiter is probably around his age. He turned to Miles with a smile saying, "If you mind can I get you my number". They were blushing holding a small piece of paper.

This never happened to Miles. He didn't want to seem like a dick so he accepted the boys number whose name was on it.  _ Quincy hmm I know a Quincy. " _ Um thank you," Miles replied. Not knowing how to react in this situation. The waiter smiled and nervously left. He looked back at Peter. And he felt instant fear. 

Peter looked pissed off. Staring at Quincy like he just committed war crimes. He abruptly stood up. Grabbing his box of food and mines. Then started walking for the door. He stopped at the entrance. Miles was so tense. Panic was in full swing. He turned his head and looked at miles. With an expression, he had never seen on Peter. His eyes were dark. He looked with a face that yelled " _ LET'S GO FUCKING NOW"  _ He didn't feel like peter was going to hurt him. But Miles knew that he wasn't playing around. This wasn't even a discussion right now. He wasn't slouching like usual. So even from a few feet away he looked intimidating. 

Miles swiftly got out and headed towards him. When he gets close. Quincy starts jogging to them. "Wait, you're leaving already? Well here's a complimentary cookie. On me." He says this while blushing, holding out the cookie in his hand.  _ Honestly, I think he's trying too hard _ . But before Miles could take the cookie and say goodbye. Since he's never going to call. Peter snatches the cookie out of his hand. Grabs Miles's wrist firmly then they proceeded to walk out the door. Once they got outside. Peter didn't let go. And just kept walking. 

Miles was too scared to breathe. So he definitely didn't have the courage to talk. He knows that this is all very strange behavior from his friend. With his attraction mixed with fear. He felt that he was getting wet. Anticipating what Peter might do.  _ What he might do to me.  _ He had many fantasies about stuff like this. A small piece of him hopes is because of accepting the number. They turn down an alleyway. He watches as Peter turns his dimension jumper on. A portal appears below them. He's scared of what's going to happen next. But he jumps anyway. Anything for Peter. 

**Peter's POV**

_ WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT KID THINK HE SAYS. TALKING TO MY MILES LIKE THAT. Why would Miles accept his number… Of course, he'll accept it. He's young. They're young. You're a fucking degenerate.  _ Peter was splitting badly. When this happens. He either sees things black or white. Going from anger to sadness. To being mad at himself and at the world for judging him. 

They reach Peter's apartment.  _ Wow, look how spoiled Miles's first dimension crossing. This could have been fun but no. You're having fucking a tantrum. Plus your house is a mess.  _ His thoughts were loud. Louder than usual. His jealousy has never been triggered so hard. 

He shuts the door, locking it. Finally letting go of Miles' hand. They were getting looks all the way here.  _ You look like a wif-Husband beater.  _ He sits down on the couch taking his jacket off. Miles meekly sits down next to him.  _ How do you explain this one Pete? There's no justification _ . There's really not. It looks exactly as it seems. Peter got jealous. 

"... Hey Peter. Are you okay". He felt a smaller hand grab his. It was damp and slightly trembling. "....... " Peter now coming down from his overreaction. Is freaking out. "I um. Sorry I shouldn't have… I just was. One time MJ was hit on like that and it brought up memories. I just needed a breather. Sorry. " He rubbed the back of his neck. Feeling the sweating on it. 

Miles' expression for a split second dropped on disappointment then immediately turned into a sad smile. "Damn Peter I'm sorry. Wait how is MJ doing did you two ever fix anything". Which is definitely not what Peter wants to talk about. "I decided to move on with my life. We're just too… Different from each other ". Leaving it short. Sparing him the details. His answer seemed to satisfy Miles. Which surprised him. Miles was really rooting for him. He thought he'd be disappointed they didn't get back together. 

"Just wondering, are you going to call that guy? ". Changing the subject, he had to know. 

"He seemed sweet and all but. But not my type."  _ Do you have a type? Wait did Miles just come out to me?.  _ "Wait you're gay? ". This made Miles stop and realize what he just said. Peter quickly added. " Which is cool. No judgment here. Like I'm bisexual if that means anything." Something he ever only talked about with Deadpool. 

Miles looked up and smiled. Hugging Peter. "We should go to pride in rainbow suits. Headlines reading: Tragedy, water is now turning spiders gay." This made Peter snort.

"That's terrible, you're terrible. So since I ruined our lunch. It's still early. I can give you a tour of my New York.". " That sounds fun but can we sit down and eat now". That made Peter feel a little more guilty. But he's mental out of the dog house he put, himself in. 

They both opened their fast food bags. It's warm temperature, good enough. Miles decided to take this time to finally get to some answers. Get cleared his throat and"Peter?" This made the man in question almost choke on his food. "Ugh yeah, what's up buddy?"  _ I already know how this is going to go. Maybe I should let it out. Tell him right now. I wonder how he'll react.  _ "Why did you come back? I'm happy that you're back but I noticed that you haven't brought up getting in contact with the others. Plus you only made two of those hmmm gobers? To keep it simple. You've been sketchy as hell Peter. Tell me what's going on." Miles looked Peter in the eyes when he said this. Being serious but not anger. 

_Shit, he's just worried about me. Maybe I can just… talk to him. I don't have to tell him everything. He obviously doesn't have an interest in a failure. I can get this platonic_. "I was… lonely and worries about you Miles fuck. You were just bitten so I wasn't a hundred percent sure you made it out alive. If Kingpin could takedown. Your well trained and definitely better than me Spider-man." Peter was ignoring the face Miles is making at him for saying that, never liked the man to talk badly about himself."I know everyone else is okay. It's not like that I don't miss them, or care about them. You were the friend I needed when I was at my lowest point in mid." Hiding his face into the palms of his hands. Ashamed of himself. 

"When I came back home. I noticed how lonely I was. Because I was a workaholic. I let the relationships around me die. Forced someone to stay in a basically dead relationship for years just to notice I didn't love her. I just wanted someone around. Safe. I'm fucked up Miles..that's why I came back. I'm sorry for being so pathetic." He couldn't talk anymore. He felt so dead on the inside.  _ How can I sit here and vent to a teenage boy like he understands the adult problems I'm currently dealing with. My mind is scattered… a bloody mess.  _ Warms rivers slide down his face. 

The room was terribly quiet. Only the sounds of cars passing by and Peter sniffling. Trying to contain his sobs. Have a couple of minutes. Miles puts a hand on Peter's back. Finally relaying a response. "I'm here for you Peter no matter what. I'm sorry I shouldn't have forced you to say anything-" He gets cut off by the older man. "No, you didn't force me. I was hiding it. Look I don't want to put pressure on you for staying… by my side. I'm just glad to see that you're okay. If you want me gone. That's fine." He forced a smile. Eyes blood red lied. He's obviously lying. Peter plans on going through with killing himself again if Miles doesn't want me to be a part of his life. He needs Miles.

Can't Miles feel his desperation? He squeezes Peter's shoulder. "Dude you have nothing to worry about. I missed you too. It's been hard without you around. Harder than you think. I haven't been this happy in awhile… please Peter. Don't go. I might not um relate all the time. But I'm always here to listen. I know you'll be here to listen to me. Now that you're her-". He gets cut off but two arms wrapping around him. He hears Peter start crying again. 

Peter felt very vulnerable and happy after hearing those words. He was holding on to the little spider for dear life as the emotions flowed through him. He knows what he's about to ask next is so wrong of him. But he couldn't help it. He needed that sweet reassurance. "Miles... C-can you promise me something… please don't leave me."

Miles just rubbed his back some more. Letting Peter cry all over him. He says something that will be intertwining their fates. "I wasn't even thinking about it. But yes Peter I promise. We'll never leave each other. Words that bind us." 

Peter whispers back. "Words that bind us."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading  
> ✺◟( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)◞✺  
> I only accept criticism on my grammar and how to structure the story. Tips are great. Judging the contents itself unless I got something wrong will be ignored. It's a dead dove/cope fiction¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


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